Im lying awake at unsociable hours, when yet again my brain kicks into gear. When the world is silent I am thinking, what next, what now.
I know this is futile, but that’s how my mind works, it seems to think it can solve all my problems when really I should be sleeping.
I’ve never been very good with spoken words, my loud mouth gets me into trouble. I’m a no frills kind of girl. I like to think that what you see is what you get, however others wouldn’t agree. I am a very complex being and if I’m pushed, I push back. Stubborn is the word.
My mind is racing, so much to do so little time, but my body is telling me to slow down. I can’t it’s all or nothing.
I write because it’s an escape for me, to be able to put into context and to convey how I feel.
I like to think I’m organised, but lately my mind is mush. It is like someone has put a veil or fog over my eyes, I know I’m not hard done by but I’m hurting and I feel like I’m stuck between a world that doesn’t really want to know and wanting to scream it from the rooftops.
When I’m well I turn with the world, but when I feel ill, I’m down and it gives me time to reflect.
I over analyze, it’s not helping me. My own body is attacking me from the inside, where most cannot see.
I know that tomorrow I will feel the guilt that comes with having these feelings, when I sit there in a chair, small and insignificant watching the world turn without me.