You know those days when you are ill and in pain and can’t do as much as you want too, and because of this you can’t do something you want or need to do. Ever feel immensley guilty about it? I do.
Today was one of those days. Over something silly about covering another colleagues job role. But as it was customer facing I asked to take a step back due to the amount of pain I was in. This was absolutely not a problem. Yet why did I feel so guilty about it? I felt like I was letting my team down.
I was nearly in tears. I had a little wobble and some feelings leaked out.
I used to just carry on and do things which I knew were detrimental to my health, I would just try and push through that pain/symptom barrier and keep going. But now there are days where I have to say please can someone help me or would it be OK if I didn’t do that, I find this really difficult it’s never really been part of my personality or a need.
So when I do ask for help, even on the really mundane stuff like emptying a dishwasher (doesn’t happen often) I feel so stupid and pathetic.
I don’t always feel this way, but it sneaks up on me. Sometimes I feel guilty for just having a disease – this used to happen very early on when I was at the hospital alot, I felt like a massive fraud, and that I wasting the nurses time.
I know this notion is completely ridiculous, but some days I let it get to me, that little nagging voice that says “why are you not coping with this better”.
Most days I give that voice the proverbial 2 finger salute, and tell it to Bog Off.
That guilt might have had me today, but there is always tomorrow.
YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN
If anyone of you lovely people have experienced similar feelings why not drop me a comment