Having any illness or disease can be lonely. Now I have never been a social butterfly, but since my diagnosis and having periods of unwell where I haven’t felt like leaving the house and I have started to feel isolated and withdrawn. I joined the crohns and colitis facebook group to more understand that there were more people just like me who got IT, and understood what I was going through.
“The only real failure is the failure to try, and the measure of success is how we cope with disappoinment – Deborah Moggach”
I do try to hold this quote true to my heart. Life can be a struggle already, throw a chronic illness into that mix and all sanity can go out of the window.
But if I hold onto the truth that any achievement no matter how small is worth something and not to give myself a mental beat down when things either don’t go my way or how I expect them too I’m onto a winner.
So when I have a crohns accident (meaning I’ve shit myself) or I don’t manage to everything I wanted to in a day because fatigue has crept in, it’s OK.
And on those days when I feel like absolute crap and drag my ass into work, and maybe I have a little cry because things felt too much. I tried and that’s what counts.
I hope that this saying will ring true for many people in that we all experience disappointment, but it must not bring us down.
Body Image – this is such an important issue – disease, illness or not.
I’ve always had a fook it kind of attitude in whether people like the way I look or not and for the most part I have been OK with how I look/feel about myself. Don’t get me wrong I have had my hang ups, my teeth for instance. I don’t like to smile in pictures so much, my teeth are large and I know it.
Since my diagnosis I feel alot more self concious about my weight, my appearance & MY ILLNESS. It has affected me in ways I never thought it would……
Somedays my Crohns just feels like it wants to win, it can be a real struggle just to get out of bed in a morning and to carry on through a working day like everything is “Normal”.
When you haven’t slept a wink because you feel like dog poo warmed up, and your stomach is churning and you think you might vomit in the night – It IS a constant battle.
Today it has been particulaly pesky, and in the words of Gilderoy Lockhart Peskipiksi PesterCrohnie. (ok he didn’t say that in Harry Potter)
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM has been nagging at my every thought, poking my insides where no one can see. Every twinge has been a gut wrenching reminder that it isn’t going to sod of anytime soon however much I might wish it so.
Im lying awake at unsociable hours, when yet again my brain kicks into gear. When the world is silent I am thinking, what next, what now.
I know this is futile, but that’s how my mind works, it seems to think it can solve all my problems when really I should be sleeping.
Soooo I haven’t been posting as regularly as I would have hoped, my naughty stomach gremlins are on the prowl. I don’t know if its because I fed them after midnight or what but gizmo and his buddies aren’t happy.
Me and my partner went to watch the new star wars, the last Jedi the other weekend. Why is this relevant you wonder?
Saturday morning rolled round and I hadn’t made a decision to go anywhere, In fact I had not even made the decision to get out of bed.